Sunday, April 03, 2005
deflated !!!
You know. Like a balloon. I am flat now.
I have cleared it. *woohoo
Just to clear some
myths:
Constipation is NOT contagious.
Having constipation does not make one full of shit.
Anyway,
Below are some tips
I MUST and
I INSIST on sharing with you all.
Trust me.seven SURE ways to be get rid of SHIT:1. The ultimate cure was
3 bananas. One after the other. Yes. I m desperate. Desperate to empty myself. Don’t look at me that way.. you would too if you were in my position.
Speaking of bananas. They say
monkeys eat bananas, right? So
monkey won’t get constipation at all? Not ever? Do animals get constipation? Imagine an elephant getting one. That amount of shit. *I am already feeling nausea.
2. Do your big business on higher ground. Gravity proved helpful.
3. Must sit down, concentrate and push! Focus is key.
I followed this advice from a friend. Well. It works. He must have A LOT of relevant experience. *laughs. Thanx fren.
4. Constantly have
friend(s) who look like s*** around you to remind you of what you have to do.*laughs. Cool it, I enjoy lying remember?
5. A good
friend who buys you 40 horrible sachets of powder to make drinks (albeit with good intentions) to aid digestion.
6. An even better
roommie who monitor you closely to drink that horrible stuff. And also you need one who will threaten to drag you to the doctor if you don’t get well soon enough.
7. Broadcast your constipation problem on your blog.
I got to say I got a concerned bunch of friends around me.
Everyone you see or talk to or msn with will constantly bring up the sensitive issue.
Never underestimate the power of peer pressure. It’s so strong, it finally helped push the whole load of
shit out of me.
*announcement: shit dispensing machine is back to normal working condition.
dictated by the Queen at 4:26 PM
