Friday, April 08, 2005
in a cubicle
*
SHIT
i think i am kinda addicted to topics related to shit.
well.today
someone just told me what the games in those mobile phones are for.and this
friend just came out of the you-know-where.yes.that's the place.some call it the loo, others insist on being "classy" and call them ladies or gents, a number of them call them the restroom and washroom (as if they went there to wash or rest).well.to me, that's the plain old TOILET.
anyway,i was sitting inside one when it occurred to me...What others do inside the toilet.hmmm.i mean while doing their BIG business.i.e.SHIT.OMG.i am so not lady-like.But i dont care.in this competitive, fast-moving, ever-changing, evolving world, it is best to be direct. *laughs
so.here are some of my suggestions as to what YOU can do in the TOILET, while YOU deposit credits into your toilet bowl.
(some taken from own experiences, others gathered with intense research, and a few with good old imagination)
here goes:
1. read newspaper/magazines
i bet this is like one of the most common thing that people do. you do right? you bring your brad pitt or daniel wu or S.H.E or lindsay lohan into the toilet to share your stink bomb. they offered you good company, yet you ungrateful people returned the favour with diffusion of those smell molecules onto their faces. think about it. *repent
next, after the ordeal in the toilet, you bring out the papers/mag and well.what?retain the stink for the next person who recycles it? *eeewl.
oh. maybe yours is THE recycled one.
2. sing to yourself
please.only do this in the comfort of your own bathroom. preferably only those who has a good voice. and for those still trying to erm, perfect their singing: the rest of the world doesnt need to share the croaking and off keys, on top of that "aroma" that you are spreading. Really.
but dont fret. you can still listen to good music. *smile
3. eat fruits
i recommend banana or papaya. sounds disgusting eating in the toilet. but this is good advice for fellow sufferers like me. i was an ex-constipator, i want to share how i managed to survive through that torturous "disease". how i overcame all odds and managed to recover. so dont you laugh.may you be cursed with a day when you are out of order and stuck in the toilet with no banana or papaya to come to your rescue. just keep in mind good advice, no matter how terrible it may sound.
4. watch TV i mean like watch. not hear or listen to the TV. get a some TV, put it somewhere near the toilet. when necessary, simply bring it into the toilet.well.there you go.receiving information and knowledge even when in the toilet. that's what i call managing your time.
5. talk on the phonediffusion cant occur through the phone. so no worries. your dear, darling, crush, admirer, best friend etc wont know what you are at, IF you dont tell them so. please. most people cant stand the thought of talking a person who is so engaged in the toilet.so yes. of course.dont give any other obvious hints by the flush of the toilet etc. be discret.
6. play with the toilet paper well. keep in mind.this is only for those damn boliao people. and please use your own teeny weeny brains to play only in public toilets. so much for them teaching me about being considerate. well. the fact remains. public toilets will never be the same as your own.besides.you wouldnt want your mum to come after you.
trust me.
7. play games on your phones. make sure u download more games beforehand if you are those who camp inside the toilet. and dont say you are not warned. exposing your eyes to prolonged puzzle bubble will make you tempoarily colour blind. so unless you are already colour blind, it doesnt really matter.wait.if you are colour blind you probably wouldnt score well in the game and thus wont play for long.so i guess this is only for those not colour blind yet.
8. surf the netexpose yourself to the world wide web. well.always on the go.of cos, this is only applicable for those with the luxury of a laptop.
9. get some paper and pendoodle. unleash your creativity. or wallow in your lack of it.
10. concentrate. this is the most time saving. get it over and done with. a person deep in concentration is an attractive person. hope it applies even in the toilet.
i bet some of you have even better ideas.but well.i am
THE PROFESSIONAL here k.
respect.
Thank you.
dictated by the Queen at 12:27 PM
